During the last week of June, I had an eye-opening experience. It was a reality check on my life–things I have directly or indirectly shoved aside, important things that will determine if I will be able to have the future I have been dreaming of. Hurtful words were said, but most of the ones let out were necessary. I now understand that it had to be done and I am very grateful. I cried it out to my loved ones and although I got a little bit of sympathy, I also got my share of “Well, you know it’s true” remarks. And they’re all right. The experience made me see that I am strong, that I have what it takes to succeed, and that I want this more than anything else. I have learned to accept and acknowledge. Now, I have to act. To follow through all my dreaming by actually doing, not just by accomplishing little things but major ones. Especially because what I want is not something minor.

And it wasn’t just that aspect of my life which was getting affected. I’m not a writer writer but I like to write. My writing the past couple of months has been, well, off. A friend said it sounded “frantic but hidden beneath carefully phrased words.” It was. I lost my voice. Just like I lost my inner music. There’s a pleasing sound coming out but there’s a feeling of disconnect. I had forgotten to let my heart sing. I ceased to remember my reasons for singing, for wanting to pursue this path leading to a career in music in the “bigger world.”

Or maybe I didn’t have clear reasons why I wanted to in the first place. Now, I do. Now, more than ever, there’s a deeper reason for me to want it more, to work more, to put myself out there more.

I’m the old Rina but I’m brand new, in a sense. That’s the reason why I have decided to file away my old entries again–because I want my writing to reflect those big changes happening in me, not only the ones happening to me. Now, more than ever, I want to start writing with my heart once more. Join me in this adventure I call my life. It’s not going to be a smooth ride but, hey, we’ll reach the destination this time. I’m sure of it. :)

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